haerness

you are an impossible birthday party.
you are cloud climbing.
you are muscle relaxant archery.
i was never a straight shooter with you,
so i'm telling you now
while i've got this strange bravery messing my chest:
i love you like Mexican wrestlers love their outfits.
i miss you like graffiti misses clarity.
i want to crack open for you like a sinner on Sunday.
when i see you kiss another woman
my arm hairs form armies of Elliott Smiths
sifting the wind for some soft suicide song.
you're the naughty punctuation mark i've always been looking for.
you're the electric chair that completes my sentence,
the starving wolverine in my mailbag of wholesome thoughts.
i am afraid of regrets. in my dreams they rise up
like froth mouthed horses, apocalypse black and freaking out.
when i'm awake, i can trick myself into believing almost anything.
it's not magic. it's cereal optimism.
but i'm not buying our someday.
your gravity is moonshine.
it's not the real dance of two heavenly bodies,
or even the bumping of two cake forks at the dessert table.
i just wanted to let you know i know. i just wanted to warn you,
i'm signing up for vanishing lessons.
if i ask to you to meet me on a windy pier somewhere
overlooking the sandy blue cash of the Pacific,
if i ask you to wear your best wool coat,
don't show.

- Mindy Nettifee

Short holiday-themed story by Charles Stross: Overtime.

Echoes of Medea and The Word for World is Forest. And probably a million others. But in 3D living technicolor. I'm up for seeing this movie at least another time in theaters.

Today begins something new for someone, surely. We talk and cry and tell stories and light candles and hope for a better future, remember our fortunes are our own.

There are speakers again, tweeting and thrumming from wires into my ears and tongue and fingertips. They may be borrowed, but they are wonderful.

My camera has beed doing some weird stuff recently. It will usually show up as mostly red-tinted, or more lately, blue tinted. An example from last night:

Neil Posted this yesterday:


And then starphire was talking to me about it yesterday afternoon but I hadn't seen it yet and we talked about celebrities and art and music.
Also, both having a cold and hanging out with a 3 & 3/4 year-old are exhausting. One is more rewarding, though.

I've been free for about 24 hours now. I've slept in. I've played a bit of a video game. I've had girl talk. I've started to watch (500) Days of Summer. :)

I've got a lot of cleaning to do today. The only part that is still a little sucky is that my body is still feeling the stress from finals...but hopefully it should be over soon. I am going to try to look at the yoga video more today/next couple of days.

Tomorrow we are having a party and I am sooo excited. I can't wait to have a couple of drinks with my friends and just fully relax.

I'm amazed that I'd never read Jonathan Livingston Seagull before. Thanks to anycontingency for recommending it to me.

Still in NY, no parties today.

I've been wondering lately if I've changed at all in the past few years since graduating High School and getting older. I'm still not sure. Something will remind me of how I was back then, and I hope that nobody sees me like they used to. Childish, selfish, irresponsible. Messing up good things with great people. When was the last time I proved my age? What did I do? Am I a good person? Will I ever be a good person? I don't know what went through my head when I was young. I don't know where I got that it was okay to act like a total child with some things. Most things. I let too many things happen, and I'm still paying for it. I guess this is the thanks I get for sitting up at 2:30 in the morning letting my mind wander. Everybody is talking about what's going on in their lives, getting closer to their goals. Nothing new has happened to me, I'm still working at a dead end job, and paying bills, not getting anywhere near a goal. Except for maybe finally getting medical insurance next month. I suppose after that I can get my pulmonary test to see if I really do have asthma. If I do then I'm not sure where I'm going to go with that knowledge. I don't really have a solid idea. If I don't have asthma, then I can hopefully begin my journey back into the wonderful world of the U.S. Air Force, where I can finally get back on track, even though I'm two years delayed of that. Hopefully all works out, I really miss the military. I just hope that if I get this second chance it doesn't get screwed up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this actually works, and I can finally feel like my life is going somewhere again.

wow, this was a bunch of rambling and whining, eh? The results of 2am caffeine cravings. Aren't they the best?